So I will repeat myself and say my happiness lies in the dojo.....I always feel better after I have been able to focus myself there. Now I have two missions in addition my current one, which is to finish school. I really have to put more of my energy into my techniques, as I've realized that I tend to separate myself from them when I am doing them. My second focus is becoming better at Japanese. It is no longer just a desire or optional thing, in fact it's no longer optional at all. I absolutely must be able to communicate in Japanese before I begin to hate it and fail at living in the place I call home. だから、いっしょうけんめい。。。。Therefore I must try with all my might!
I also want to mention how happy I am I have my life back. I gave up so much for people over periods of time, even if it wasn't asked for. I'm glad I've rebuilt my life, even though some of it has seemed to have taken a bit of time. I'm glad I have really good friends around me now :) Most of my friends are overseas or out of state, but it's really nice to have a few good ones here too. I'm glad I could rebuild that for myself, as for a while I felt like my social skills deteriorated and perhaps I wasn't likable. I began to feel standoffish after I continually received rejections from people in regards to actually socializing with them. It seemed having a chat with them or seeing them in places I became acquainted with them at was OK, but outside of that there was no social interest. I think as the Dalai Lama said, embracing people with compassion and an awareness we are all connected to each other makes it less likely we will isolate ourselves from others. Perhaps that's what I've done without realizing it and not seeking validation through my contact with others. I know what my path and goals are and I don't need those people to validate any of it, however I can embrace them compassionately and be apart of it if that is what is meant to be.
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