tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8819980854888366632024-02-19T17:50:24.430-08:00~*~青空~*~meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-35663703270771492152013-03-19T08:20:00.000-07:002013-03-19T08:20:01.713-07:00Catching Up<span style="color: #741b47;">Wow, so five weeks have gone by since I've last updated my eventful life! Thing have been good and things have been bad too. I can't really say they've been bad, but they've been challenging to say the least. First and foremost I got a new job! I didn't just get a new job, but I got an outstanding job with a fantabulous salary and staff! The staff are kind and understanding and I've received good training and support so far. I think I can be a good teacher and hopefully I can get better at teaching kids too! I am really happy about my job and I really enjoy it, especially in trying to be better. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">The challenging part right now is finding a new apartment and affording it! Apparently in Japan, when you rent an apartment it does NOT come with appliances! Also there are all these nifty fees like "fire", "life emergency", "cleaning the apartment for the next person moving in", "the thank you for letting me live in your apartment fee", and the "key money". I am sure I'm forgetting something, but you get the idea. I can only hope my company finds me an apartment that has reasonable "fees" and "deposits" so I won't be paying them half my salary for the next year! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Otherwise in five weeks I've been to Kyoto another 3 times, I've seen part of Umeda, I've revisited sights in Nara and Osaka. In addition, I learned a lot about Japanese relationships and how there is no such thing as girls and guys being friends. If you go to dinner with a guy he will expect sex. I had two other friends who "claimed" to be concerned for me and wanted to help me, but in the end I questioned their sincerity due to their behavior. I try not to judge people, but unfortunately there are a few people in particular I've decided are not good for me and I've had to move on. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Anyway, I am not so good today, so I will have to write more later. </span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-48968464829178629552013-02-07T23:00:00.000-08:002013-02-07T23:28:11.491-08:00Week Three<span style="color: #741b47;">So I think most people expect me to say my life in Japan is glamorous or even completely perfect, but it's not. Even at home in America I can never understand why my life is always "fucked up" even though I work very hard to be somebody and to do something amazing with my life. I never like to think I am anyone special, but being in Japan has sort of made me realize perhaps I am. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">I got here and everything worked out well as I posted previously, but after three days I lost my job. The company who fired me, Nova made me feel like I am not cut out to be a teacher or perhaps I am mentally slow since I could not keep up with their training program. However, all of this was proven wrong when I went to the General Union yesterday to get help in fighting what you they have done to me. The representative at the Union asked me if I was a qualified teacher. I didn't know how to answer except that I had experience teaching adults and also I have a TEFL certificate. When I described the problems with my lessons during the training period, I said how I told the trainer that Nova's teaching materials are "different" from how I was taught to teach and therefore I needed more time to adapt to their methods. The representative sort of laughed and said that I had inadvertently insulted their curriculum and that is why they fired me. So I guess even when I intend to be humble and conform to what I need to do it's impossible. Apparently my higher standards of doing things and perhaps even my intelligence if I may go so far outshines the mediocre situations that I try to adapt to just to get on in life. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">However, my present situation is not without merit. I think this experience has taught me to stand up for myself . I can say I am mildly angry, but more so I am just fed up with people walking all over me from employers to boyfriends. I will not accept any sort of treatment anymore that is less than I deserve! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Furthermore, I can continue to say I love my life in Japan. I am much more motivated here for some reason. I love getting on a train every day. I love all the little things too like the hot towels you get to wipe your hands before a meal, how tax is already included in everything! and also how the toilet sprays my butt, the sinks have motion sensored soap dispensers and faucets, and the hand dryer has a cool electric blue light in it! Haha I also like the peace and sense of contentment I feel when I go to a temple or shrine and hear the monk chanting. The ability to have some place beautiful to pray at is lovely too.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">There are a few things I don't like, but they're minor. I don't get why the toilet talks to me when I sit down (mostly in public places) it's not like it talks to me in English! And I don't need the "sound effects" that start either, as I don't care if anyone else hears what I am doing in there! It's a bathroom for a reason! Japanese women don't like to be "heard" doing neither number one or two.....I don't like the damn motor bikes that drive on the sidewalk near my house, and I think I rather don't like the post system here. I have had something from my bank trying to be delivered all week, but they want to actually be able to deliver it to me in person and I am never home for that. I would just like to pick it up and be done with it! And today my gas bill, which is like a store receipt was slipped under my door? What the hell do I do with that and where do I go to pay it? Whatever though, I will ask someone and figure it out haha Oh and last but not least, I can't stand what I call "squatters" which are trench toilets in the bathrooms at train stations and other public places. The department stores thankfully have the nice ones that have warmed toilet seats and spray your butt!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">I probably should get my butt dressed and get out of this apartment for a while! </span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-72942645445336305702013-01-27T00:15:00.001-08:002013-01-27T00:15:53.161-08:00Living My Life<span style="color: #741b47;">I've been a bit behind because honestly I haven't felt like writing.......However, I forgot to put down a few things I would like to put here. First is that I am so delighted to see vending machines every half a kilometer with some many yummy drinks! Second is how much I am like a kid because I get to ride a train every day! I really look forward to my train ride haha! There are many little things that I appreciate a lot, which makes life so enjoyable here.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">The other night I found myself doing something that I rarely do and that is eating food I am not familiar with. I was pretty sure I was going to be eating some kind of fish, so I didn't ask questions, just ate it and pretended that I couldn't decide what it was! I knew I was eating maguro sashimi (raw tuna) but the tempura I didn't know what it was and later learned I ate mussels! Gah gag! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Yesterday I went to Kyoto for a trip to see some friends. I am constantly surprised at people's generosity here! My friend there has offered to help me find a job and even give me a place to stay if I paint some pictures for him for his guest house. It was an interesting day to be sure and I even got lost on the trains haha no surprise there! I really better get more sleep tonight so I can start thinking straight!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">As for today, I met with Michi's parents. They are the kindest people on the planet. I met them at Nanba, another place I got lost at the other day. Just when I got to the station and was looking for the Kintetsu exit there they were right before me! I always feel so happy and at peace when I see them. I suppose I feel safe with them too. We had lots of coffee and food, which always seems to be the way of things! We went to see dolls at Takashimaya Department store for hina matsuri (Girl's Day Festival) They were very beautiful and also expensive. Anyways, I enjoyed it very much as I felt very inspired by the art in general on that floor. I also went to Aoyama, which is a popular coffee chain here in Japan. It was pretty good, but if there are two things I would have to say are expensive here it's tea, coffee, and the train fairs! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">I am sure I am forgetting something, but this is it for now....</span></div>
meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-80208115707792529162013-01-21T04:10:00.003-08:002013-01-21T04:10:35.172-08:00Livin' da Life!<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Today is day three and I am damn tired! I'd like one day to just go bathe somewhere perhaps......However, it's been great! Michi's parents helped me haul my luggage from the guest house to my apartment, which was incredibly exhausting and hard work, especially for them! Spent the day doing that and then the gas man came to my place and after we had to go house shopping! It was so much fun and so awesome how his parents have sort of taken responsibility for me in a way suggesting what I "should have" for my place and all! They have been very kind and generous indeed. I am forever greatful to them to be sure.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, I've forgotten to mention some of my thoughts and observations along the way during my recent adventures. Honestly, everything here is so normal for me despite not understanding most of what people say and only being able to read certain things. I often even forget I am the only foreigner and everyone else around is essentially the same by race and nationality. Then it comes to my attention and I realize there are people staring at me, looking at the white girl with big round eyes! I never care though. I also feel very "free" here, comfortable, and at peace. I could be happy living here forever, but I don't find myself "being" Japanese anymore, I am just Mel and that's it. Perhaps some of it will rub off and I will become more like them than I think, we'll see. Another thing is my ability to make friends, I don't really know what I do, but it seems people are easily drawn to me and I already made new Korean friends of all people! In addition, now that I am here and "free" it seems the dating population has increased by 100! However, so far there is no one who has come forward nor has there been anyone exceptional either. I am not so worried about it right now, but it is interesting none the less!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am sure I am forgetting something, but I am quite tired and have many more emails and what not to finish. Until next time....</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-11063409594183763392013-01-20T06:16:00.000-08:002013-01-20T06:16:28.601-08:00The New Adventure Begins!<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am finally in Japan! Honestly it seems so surreal and as if it was never going to happen or the time was never going to come.....However, the adventure did not begin without it's challenges. I felt myself being nervous and anxious about what was ahead of me in terms of moving my things (and Buddha knows I have too much!) and also getting around and knowing what I'm doing since I my Japanese is so poor! I let my mind think the worst things and put me in a state of panic, in which I told myself I could just turn around and come home if I wanted to. Alas, as my hero Osho always said, "The mind is the naysayer." So I got here and went through customs/immigration just swell and at last I was saved! Michi's dad met me at the airport after our long conversations of not understanding each other! In the end he was waiting for me at the train platform at the airport and like a trooper he helped me transport my 130 lbs of luggage onto a train that took one hour to get to my guest house! Once we found the guest house I literally unloaded, got a bit settled and we went for some dinner. Now I have to note here that I think Japanese young people are just as bad in their opinion of old people (although they won't say it out loud) since I have noticed many young people making fun of Michi's dad and even both his parents in general. I think most younger people would be embarrassed to be seen with them, but I am greatful and in their debt for their kindness and generosity and have sincerely enjoyed their company. Furthermore, the first day ended with a dinner with Michi's dad followed by a shower, and some computer time in the sitting room with my Korean mates. </span><div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Today, Okaasama (Michi's mum) came with his dad and the three of us went to McDonald's! I haven't eaten that shit in 3 years and well I guess I broke that now! I was happy to have brekky though! After that we went through a trying time at Soft Bank to get m a cell phone! OMG, I felt sorry for the representative with my poor Japanese even with Michi's parents trying to explain as well! After that we went and had Katsu Kari (fried pork cutlet with curry sauce and rice) for lunch! It was sooooooooo good! Then we went to his parent's house, which was really nostalgic for me and odd that Michi had been home not so long ago. It was almost like a ghost had been there I guess. His dad had another present for me, which is a really pretty scarf! After that they were kind enough to show me where I will be working this week and after that we ended up at an Italian restaurant! All the food was very delicious and I am thankful to them for their treats and also because I might not have eaten three meals just because I have not had an appetite lately. They are really kind and I owe them much when the right payment will come along.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I would just like to end today's entry by saying that it has been sort of strange revisiting places I have already been here, especially without Michi. It all seems a shame that it's over between us because there were so many beautiful things we did together and it's gone. 私はばかやねん。。。I'm an idiot....</span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And last I am posting a picture of a shrine that is kitty corner from my guest house. This is the sort of thing you see everywhere, a Buddhist temple next to a Mobile gas station....and a random shrine on a corner....</span></div>
meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-86717300663848407642012-12-31T20:07:00.001-08:002012-12-31T20:07:21.058-08:00The New Year<span style="color: #0b5394;">This year has not been bad at all. I faced some amazing challenges, but also accomplished a lot! I almost didn't finish school, someone broke my heart, and I've faced people who can't accept my dreams and accomplishments. However, I DID finish school! Four years of hard work I might add! I went to Canada, Arizona, and New York this year, landed a job in Japan and finished an EFL certificate too! I have the best, most amazing friends that exist on this planet and two students who I adore and love dearly. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">Usually I do a meditation to accept and also forget the negativity of the year, while putting into motion the positive things I hope for in the coming year. So here goes, someone broke my heart and it's a shame that what happened is that there was no place in his life for me. I wish he would have let me be, as it took him one year to ask me out, but I did not have the strength to say no to my feelings for him, even though I had been thinking it took him so long......I almost didn't finish school and I struggled to get a job in Japan, but nevertheless my determination and willingness to work hard persevered. As for the positive things, I will be working in Japan this new year and I hope to build the financial stability I have been working toward so I may live a comfortable life. I also hope for the happiness, peace, and health of everyone in the world and that we may see a transformation and the love of people may be more prevalent in our society. Last, but not least, I hope that he who has been looking for me will appear.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">Happy New Year!</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-1420617493397013952012-12-17T19:42:00.000-08:002012-12-17T19:42:32.581-08:00Dreams Come True and Prayers Unanswered<span style="color: #274e13;">Well this year has been a long hard road out of hell! I managed to finish school and graduate in May and I also recently just completed my EFL certificate as well! Most important my dream has come true and I will go work in Japan in January of 2013! Originally my plan was to already be working there this year, but I believe everything has worked out as it should. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;">The road to my dreams has not been without struggles, as I ran out of money for school and almost did not graduate, I have been fighting for work all year, it took 3 months before anyone in Japan would hire me, and I have been working very hard every day since then including putting up with the horrid experience of retail work! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;">Never let anyone tell you your dreams can't come true because they can! If you're willing to work hard, are motivated and willing to put in 200% effort than you can make anything happen! However, how silly was I to pray for love, and how silly was I to believe if I worked hard enough it would be mine! My dreams have come true, not without struggle, but my prayers remained unanswered.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;">May the sun god of Japan bless me in 2013!</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-50681788086384745192012-01-17T22:19:00.000-08:002012-01-17T22:19:21.795-08:00Renewal<span style="color: #4c1130;">So every year I look forward to the New Year because I always feel it's a time to forget the year behind you, appreciate all that you gained, and a renewed hope to accomplish new goals.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;">This year <i>has</i> been a renewal for me. I've been fighting for work since there isn't much of it in this country right now....Normally, I am the type of person who does not conform to others and does things when it's convenient for me. Well last Thursday I became an adult. My boss had text me asking if I could work from 1p.m. - 5p.m. and consequently due to my night owl habits I did not wake up until 1 p.m.</span> <span style="color: #4c1130;">Normally I would have felt it was too late</span> <span style="color: #4c1130;">to go in. However, instead I text her immediately saying I just received her text and would she still need me...She did and I immediately prepared myself and went. After this experience I really understand how much I <i>need</i> to work and employers own me. However, once I am a teacher I will be glad to be owned.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;">Recently, some things have transpired that have made me feel down, which is easy to do. I feel like I'm tired of fighting and struggling when I work hard for everything I have. These events have renewed my energy and efforts to make the dream come true. I will only say this, I have my guns out now and those who wish to stand in my way or wish to destroy my dream better look out because I am not afraid to use them! Furthermore, I must give credit to my one true love, who's undying support inspires me to continue and fight harder. There are too many days I'd like to stay in bed and cover my head, but his inspiration causes me to fight harder...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;">Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of our own philosophies and mottoes, which have made us stronger and better. I'd like to remind myself here how long and hard I have prayed for this dream to come true and in return I will work harder than I ever have in my life. May Quan Yin have mercy on me and Tara send her prosperity to my doorstep.</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-16228252886597004392011-07-20T00:16:00.000-07:002011-07-20T00:16:30.666-07:00Satori~ A Moment of Clarity<div style="color: #a64d79;">I feel melancholic today. Most people won't be surprised by that because it seems that's how the see me most of the time. However, most of the time I keep my spirits up and I keep on going and working towards the dream.</div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #a64d79;">The last thing I wanted to do today was put on a martial arts uniform. I was feeling under the weather, not to mention it was blazing hot and humid and the last thing I wanted to do was to put on a martial arts uniform, which would make me hotter. Still I did it and I endured it. Once I got past my own mind (the ultimate "nay-sayer" in my opinion) everything was grand. </div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #a64d79;">I guess I feel tired. I know there are other people who work much harder than I do, but still I'm tired. Three years straight I've gone to school with only one month's worth of rest a year. I love going to school, but right now I'm just tired. Then years and years of Japanese, and still I'm so far from fluent it feels like a dream to far to touch. Martial arts, I love it, but every week I fight harder and work harder to be better or least I try to be. Last but not least is all the leeches I've worked for who've tried to suck out my spirit and keep me in this cess pool that's been my home. Not anymore....</div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #a64d79;">Just let me have a rest? Please mum five more minutes until I have to wake up? Soon the dream will begin.....</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-73403376859811536342011-05-28T21:42:00.000-07:002011-05-28T21:42:17.692-07:00More Spiritual Happiness<div style="color: #a64d79;">So I will repeat myself and say my happiness lies in the dojo.....I always feel better after I have been able to focus myself there. Now I have two missions in addition my current one, which is to finish school. I really have to put more of my energy into my techniques, as I've realized that I tend to separate myself from them when I am doing them. My second focus is becoming better at Japanese. It is no longer just a desire or optional thing, in fact it's no longer optional at all. I absolutely must be able to communicate in Japanese before I begin to hate it and fail at living in the place I call home. だから、いっしょうけんめい。。。。Therefore I must try with all my might!</div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #a64d79;">I also want to mention how happy I am I have my life back. I gave up so much for people over periods of time, even if it wasn't asked for. I'm glad I've rebuilt my life, even though some of it has seemed to have taken a bit of time. I'm glad I have really good friends around me now :) Most of my friends are overseas or out of state, but it's really nice to have a few good ones here too. I'm glad I could rebuild that for myself, as for a while I felt like my social skills deteriorated and perhaps I wasn't likable. I began to feel standoffish after I continually received rejections from people in regards to actually socializing with them. It seemed having a chat with them or seeing them in places I became acquainted with them at was OK, but outside of that there was no social interest. I think as the Dalai Lama said, embracing people with compassion and an awareness we are all connected to each other makes it less likely we will isolate ourselves from others. Perhaps that's what I've done without realizing it and not seeking validation through my contact with others. I know what my path and goals are and I don't need those people to validate any of it, however I can embrace them compassionately and be apart of it if that is what is meant to be.</div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #a64d79;">Time to chill now...</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-38674078048004821942011-05-24T23:36:00.000-07:002011-05-24T23:36:08.769-07:00Happiness in the Dojo<div style="color: #a64d79;">OMG I'm tired....no more like exhausted, yet I see no reason why I should be. So many things have been going through my mind as they tend to when I'm delirious. First I want to start with my thoughts about resuming Japanese lessons. This time Lily Sensei is being really strict with me, but I like it. It's forced me to use the language, whereas normally I don't "have to." However, I've received something special from this, and that is the realization that it's my language too and I <i>should </i>be speaking it on a regular basis. Having done that (to the best of my ability) I feel more in my element, and more like I am doing what is natural to me. </div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #a64d79;">In addition, Amy chan and her friend Allison came to the dojo tonight for a trial class. I have to say first how happy I am to share with my friends, that which makes me so happy too. Their visit made it even more profound and clearer that the experience I get there is indeed special. I don't have the proper words, especially in this state to be sure, but I can say we do something really wonderful and special there, and that is why <i>my happiness lies in the dojo.</i></div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #a64d79;">I just haven't been thinking clearly lately, nor have I been very focused. Perhaps this is what love does to you, I suppose it's the case. Going back to juujutsu was just what I needed to help me regain my focus and concentration. I'm not quite sure how it has the ability to do that for me, but it does and I feel more sane than I have in 2 weeks now. Therefore, I shall endeavor to focus on the things, which need much of my attention over the next coming months. We shall see the results. </span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-57329230499152512492011-05-09T21:55:00.000-07:002011-05-09T21:55:20.629-07:00Returning to Life<div style="color: #a64d79;">I haven't been keeping up the last few weeks because everything got out of control before I left for Oz. Seemed like I barely got it all done just in time. Going overseas always changes everything, at least for me. I had a 10 hour layover at LAX and while wasting away the time there it occurred to me that I have never been more sure about moving overseas. Even though getting through the airports was rough this past time, it's my life and what I do. How I've missed traveling overseas these past two years. </div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #a64d79;">During this past trip I never felt more like myself, like the person I know I am, and who I always want to be when I'm here in the states. This trip went beyond my expectations in terms of relationships. It was a laid back trip, as we just took our time doing things and didn't rush to pack a bunch of things in the short time we had. I got to spend time with my friend Tobias and his family, who I met for the first time in 2 years. I really love his family and enjoy his lads. My relationship with Michi is beyond anything I could have ever expected. I never could have expected such happiness to exist.</div><div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #a64d79;">However, I am already miserable being back here. I thought I would have loads to keep me busy, but I have already sorted everything thing out that was waiting for me. School has slowed down, and work is always like "whatever" just go and get it done, so there's not much else to do. Hopefully Japanese lessons will keep me busy and I will most likely bury my nose in a few books again to pass the time. In addition to escaping from the boredom which this place consists of, I should begin my preparations to leave here next year. At least tomorrow begins my juujutsu training again and more of my time will be absorbed.</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-43765616545558414322011-04-19T02:23:00.000-07:002011-04-19T02:23:48.170-07:00Catching upThe last few weeks have been rough, as I've been trying to get through my classes. The work load has been quite heavy this time and I have loads of other stuff going on too.<br />
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I find myself immersed in many thoughts I can't always keep up with and that I haven't had time to write, although I wish I did. In relation to everything I've been discussing lately I think I've found my way through things a bit. As for the earthquake in Japan I've done what I can financially for now, and unfortunately my skills are not enough to contribute anything. I think at some point I will be able to contribute somehow. When I return from Australia I plan to do some art for the Japan Art Drive. http://www.artdrivejapan.com/ However, after much reflection and meditating on this I've come to realize it's more about people than just trying to do something. I've heard this before too.....but I mean it's about people even in a simple way, such as the friends I've made through a support group and the daily communication I have with them and my ability to spread Japanese culture and news to my own friends as well. So for right now that is what I <i>can</i> do.<br />
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In relation to my other discussions, I continue to experience my happiness lies in the dojo. The Dalai Lama noted how a disciplined mind results in a person being happy and more likely to live a moral life. I find this interesting as this is what we're taught in the dojo too. I'm very happy when I'm training, although in reality I am learning how to beat a guy up! In addition I've come to realize that I'm not only interested in being happy, but also understanding what it truly is, i.e. how one's perspective and awareness contributes to being happy, in essence of the mechanics.<br />
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I don't have much more to say at the moment, as these are just a few of the thoughts I can recall I wanted to set down. I can only say I believe I have found truth, honesty, and a genuine life and I can be happy for that alone.meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-65081076124718951812011-04-01T23:38:00.000-07:002011-04-01T23:38:28.995-07:00Sakura ~ 桜~<div style="background-color: white; color: #c27ba0; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Tonight I was driving in my car all happy singing Japanese Pop songs....yes <i>Japanese Pop</i>. It hadn't even occurred to me until I parked the car that everything I had listened to was in Japanese and it all sounded so completely normal to me, even though there are still some words I don't know. I'm always happy singing in Japanese, but upon realizing what I had been unconsciously doing, what felt so normal to me, I felt even happier knowing that even through something like pop-culture I am bridging a gap between cultures. It made me recall a friend Yoshi-san because he posted one of my favorite songs today. My thoughts then wandered onto how I can only use simple Japanese with him, but even the smallest things I am able to communicate with him still make a big difference and is bridging the gap. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #c27ba0; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #c27ba0; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Even after six years I find it amazing how deeply Japanese culture has permeated my heart. So much that it has stolen my heart and I must return there to reclaim it if that's even possible.</span></span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-65419847070823680442011-03-27T23:05:00.000-07:002011-03-27T23:05:30.999-07:00Deeper Reflections<div style="color: #c27ba0;">Recently I've realized the path I'm on and my aspirations in life, that is the occupations I've found purpose in, becoming a teacher, and my beliefs are all genuine. Not that I ever had any intention of being insincere in the past, but I suppose I was never in the right place and could never truly find what I should have been doing. I referred to this in my previous post as being "in my element," but in reality it's genuinely being in the right place doing the right things that have purpose to me. The Dalai Lama said, "There is a difference between happiness and pleasure." Of course this is an obvious thing to realize, but I think he is right in saying most of the time people don't realize these differences. I don't think I did either until recently. In the past whatever I had brought me pleasure, now the things I aspire to bring me happiness. I know that these things make me happy because even when I am down about something I remain happy. I am happy I put 120% into my work at school and I am very happy at how hard I work on my techniques at martial arts. Knowing I am working for something that has value and worth, and that I can appreciate makes me happy. In the bigger picture I have a great love for Japan and teaching/sharing my knowledge with others, therefore I am happy being engaged in those things and being in Japan. Also the people dearest to me originate in Japan, so there is a deeper happiness involved. Last, but not least I am able to love in a genuine compassionate manner, always putting that person first. This is happiness. In the past I only really cared about sex, this was only pleasure, as sex is only pleasure and not an ultimate happiness. I'm glad I've been able to make these distinctions in order to know my happiness is lasting and not temporary. </div><div style="color: #c27ba0;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #c27ba0;">At one point in my life I don't think I could have ever said I was truly happy or even have thought I could be. Now there are important people and purpose in my life, which makes it possible for me to appreciate and therefore be happy. </span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-1062922070810258492011-03-26T23:47:00.000-07:002011-03-26T23:47:27.725-07:00Can't Sleep....<div style="color: #c27ba0;">I have to be awake at 6:30 a.m. to go to work and I can't sleep at all. I suppose taking a nap earlier might not have been a good idea. Also there are many thoughts going through my mind right now. Michi's dad emailed me, which I am really happy about. I already know they are safe, but it's still really good to hear from him. I miss everyone so much and can't wait to be back in Japan next year. I'm also getting a little more excited because my trip to Oz is in a little less than a month. </div><div style="color: #c27ba0;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #c27ba0;">Aside from that I can't help feeling that everything is in place. I haven't felt so genuinely in my element in a long time. Japan for instance feels like my home more than any other place, and I feel really connected there, although I am not biologically Japanese. Then being a Buddhist feels so right too. There is a saying in yoga that goes, "Right mind, Right body, Right living." This is exactly what it feels like. Perhaps this is what unmei (fate) is. I would like to make the distinction that I do not call myself a Buddhist to be placed in a group, after all it's only a label, but rather I am quite happy I follow the teachings of Buddha. Those teachings help me to reflect upon being a better person. I am happy I can love and have compassion for others, while striving to be better each day as a person. </div><div style="color: #c27ba0;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #c27ba0;">I'm still not tired, but feel better having put down these lingering thoughts. I should attempt to sleep now.</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-43778125502390760682011-03-25T16:44:00.000-07:002011-03-26T23:53:52.555-07:00......<div style="background-color: white; color: #a64d79;">Yesterday was a long day and I was really angry, yet I knew all my underlying reasons for being angry were lame, so I let myself sulk and accept it. I feel trapped lately. I can't make enough money, I can't contact people, and I feel helpless in trying to help those who desperately need my help.</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #a64d79;">I have nothing to complain about. I'm a good student, I enjoy school, and I live a fairly good life. I work hard at martial arts and I really enjoy it, as it's a big part of my life, and I get to travel and will teach in many countries in the future. In short, I am happy with my accomplishments and what I am doing in life. Yet, recently it feels like a cloud is looming over me, as my sun is nowhere to be found.</div>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-91591481654159835582011-03-23T21:59:00.000-07:002011-03-23T21:59:32.028-07:00Still Reflecting.....<div style="color: #c27ba0;">So aside from the deep compassion I feel for the situation in Japan, I also feel hopeful and have much confidence in their ability to rebound from the disaster. The Japanese are resilient people, who in the face of adversity always do the right thing and manage to survive. I have become irritated with the bloody-thirsty American media looking to prey on others suffering and misfortune. The other day I read on the NHK (the Japanese news) that 18,000 were <i>expected</i> dead <i>and</i> missing. Upon seeing the American news they had already accounted 18,000 people <i>were</i> dead. Mataku! (sheesh, unbelievable) After hearing the story about the 80 year woman and her 16 year old grandson being found I felt even more confident because I know there are more people alive out there than dead, and they will be found. As most people are aware things are getting back to normal there for the most part. There's no rioting, looting, or violence (much to the American media's dismay) and people are already returning to their lives and also beginning the rebuilding process. </div><div style="color: #c27ba0;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #c27ba0;">My perspective places me in awe, as I realize I am witnessing historical events. I've read much history and literature throughout my life and I always try to think of people's perspectives who lived through wars, revolutions, and catastrophic events, but I can never quite imagine what it would be like to be alive during those times or even be a part of it. Now in this so-called modern age I am witnessing many great, wonderful things and also sad things, such as the revolutions in Cairo and Libya (prayers to those who have lost their lives) and of course now the natural disasters in New Zealand and Japan. It is always my hope and wish people will work together and help one another because we all have one thing in common; we're human. Let's help each other because we're people and not American, Japanese, Haitian, etc. I hope these events make people realize life is not about race, countries, or politics it's about people living happily. </div><div style="color: #c27ba0;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #c27ba0;">This blog has become my consolation for all these thoughts.....</span>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-881998085488836663.post-46489124402611323282011-03-22T23:01:00.000-07:002011-03-26T23:53:00.350-07:00Reflections<div style="background-color: white; color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Usually huge tragedies don't affect me so much because I am always positive everything will be repaired and everything will work out. However, the event of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan on March 11th has shaken me quite a bit uprooting me from my center. I have a close relationship with Japan, as darn near everything I love comes from there. There are many people suffering there from the various problems, such as no food, water, or shelter. Yet I feel like I suffer with them, although my life for the most part has not been interrupted. Usually my spirits are good, they are positive, yet they have been dampened almost two weeks since this tragic event. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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Recently, I began reading the Dalai Lama's book <i>The Art of Happiness</i>. One thing the Dalai Lama said in respect to happiness is how as Westerners we always put our own problems at the forefront of things, and how it seems like our world is always ending because of these problems. He also said that when tragic events or something really terrible happens to someone else we reflect on ourselves and see our problems are minuscule in comparison. This is certainly true. Furthermore, he said that we are also the happiest when we are helping others, and this is true compassion from a Buddhist perspective. In the end happiness is our perspective of our lives. In regards to this, I feel happy I can do something to help the country and culture I love so dearly, yet sorrow remains in my heart for their suffering.</span></div>meruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02963522770942224477noreply@blogger.com0